So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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