Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
