I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
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Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
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Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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