MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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