I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Randomize
