are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
