did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
