Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
