I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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