ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I am spending my child support on dildos
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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