then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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