Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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