Don't you send me to vm
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
