did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
