What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
