Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
