it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
