allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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