Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
