You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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