We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
