i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize