Sober January is a disaster.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
