So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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