If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
