we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
