his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
