I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize