I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
