I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
