hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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