i'm lost and i look like a hooker
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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