he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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