i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
