Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
