he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize