I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
