Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
