She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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