lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
