I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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