I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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