There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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