Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
