Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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