The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
