apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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