i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize