I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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