I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
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If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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