my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
