my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
