When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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