Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
