I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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