So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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