just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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