This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
