you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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