i think i have two assholes
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
