i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
