When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You are a genius and a whore.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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