I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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