community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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